Zach’s Season Record: 102-87
Before Wednesday, my recent picks had been as dumb as a fan tossing a water bottle at Kyrie Irving on Sunday night…WTF are we doing, people? Spitting? Popcorn? Racist taunts? Get yourself under control you dumb idiots, and keep your eyes peeled for my feature story Tuesday.
But then, the lights shone down upon me, and I went 5-1 on the night, earning my 100th W of the year and putting me at 15 games above .500! I’d say “cash money” – but are the next generation of sports announcers going to say things like, “DOGECOIN!” instead?
I like it.
Meanwhile, AD’s injury looks bad for the Lakers; the Bucks, Sixers, and Nets look unbeatable; and suddenly Kawhi Leonard decided that he is really good and can beat anybody in the league. Strap in: The next couple of weeks are going to be crazier than the pilot who watched porn in the cockpit last week. (Are you hiring, Southwest?)
Let’s get into today’s games.
Point Totals: Under 229.5 (+106)
This series is over. The Wizards don’t have the height to hang with Joel Embiid and Ben Simmons. And why are we even thinking that Washington can take this game? It’s over – Joel and Ben and Tobias are gonna shut Beal and Westbrook down and take this series and make the next round one of the best series ever. Take the 76ers.
Points-wise: 229.5 – Hmmm… I would stay with the UNDER here – I think the Wizards are going to throw everything they can at the 76ers to keep this game and series in control in a way to risk the sweep. I may be wrong, but I’ll take it. I’m 15 games over .500.
Point Total: Over 225 (-108)
Thankfully, this was the one competitive game Saturday night, but Donovan Mitchell is so damn good that I can’t see Memphis winning another one. Ja Morant MIGHT make this is game for a while, but I think this series is more overdone than Steven Seagal’s beard dye in his “Pro-Putin” video yesterday. (Under Siege. Great movie. I still think the Jazz take this by more than 5.) TAKE UTAH.
Points-wise: 225… The Utah Jazz and Memphis Grizzlies battled and scored 232 in the best NBA game of the night Saturday, so I think we can go with the OVER here… but you just know that Memphis is gonna battle. Basically, we can expect this game to be as sloppy as your Memorial Day Barbecue.
Someone get me a beer.